Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
