my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
