What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize