You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
