I hope mine doesn't look like that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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