That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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