i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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