toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
