yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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