Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
