i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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