i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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