OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
