Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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