i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
