the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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