Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize