He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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