I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
