She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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