i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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