We left an ass print on the piano.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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