Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
