She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
