Im at strip club and am horny
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
where are my eyebrows?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
