OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
