Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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