He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
