I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
