we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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