I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need moral support for this bender
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
