Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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