zippers are such a cool invention
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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