Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
