Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize