I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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