How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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