If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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