Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
