I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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