I bet he comes in French.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
