That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
