Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
