And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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