Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
