i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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