I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
