there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
