duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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