The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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