i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
