He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
