is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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