Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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