The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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