Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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