Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
