I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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