What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had sex on a roof
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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