Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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