I CAN MOONWALK!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
