So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
