a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
