If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
