i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
