I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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