dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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