God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
