What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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